ive seen some shit

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy!

Dear Genghis,
My mother-in-law is driving me crazy! I love her daughter and so far, I’ve done everything that she has ever asked me to do, no matter how unreasonable. She wanted us to move closer, so we did. She demanded I convert to Judaism before the wedding, and I did. She has even managed to get me to change jobs. Now, thank god, she is retiring to Florida, but she has just sold her house and has informed me and my wife that she will be living with us for a month or two until her new house is ready!
I know I will not be able to stand her in close quarters, and it’s going to be her or me. What can I do?

Planning murder in Pittsburgh

Dear Planning,
It is clear to me that your mother in law is suffering from some sort of womb-madness.
Without a child to care for, women quickly go mad and must be dealt with sternly. I recommend you inseminate her, just to calm her down a smidge. You wife will, of course, voice her objections. After all, you seem to have forged some sort of Faustian pact (marriage you call it?) that assured her monopoly on your seed, but I have never endorsed such an abuse of the free market. Mongolia tried communism too, and I didn’t care for it.
I don’t share.
Your legal mother may, of course, voice her own objection, but as my 143’rd wife used to say: “Jal uosed maka khun lefar.”
Editors Note-This Mongolian phrase was determined to be too obscene to translate into any modern language.)