Mother of Myself: An Interview with Alphamama

Alphamama is more than just an artist, she’s a spiritual leader who connects with her audience not just with music but with her body and soul. Alphamama’s desires and deepest secrets are unravelled throughout her journey of being an artist. She does this by emptying out her fears and desires so openly that she creates a her own channel, one that everyone can tune into.

Ravishing into soul, and dabbling into rap slash poetry, Alphamama is a mother of herself and in many ways to others as well. Her cosmic energy attempts to integrate and question different expressions of our full selves. 

We chat to Alphamama about what it’s like being raw artist, what it means to be a mother of herself and how Trump’s recent decision about defunding planned parenthood made her cry.

You are pretty raw and honest with your listeners. Can this sometimes be hard for you to do?

Sometimes I stop and think a few times before posting some of the things I share. I realise that the way I live can be triggering for some people, and so I check-in with myself to make sure that I’m not crossing any of my own boundaries first and foremost, and then I also ask myself how people may be affected by what I share. I’m not really interested in surface level, social chatter. I like to go deep and get to the heart of things and so naturally it can be hard for me to express my experiences knowing that people will have an opinion and may not fully understand what I’m saying. But for me it boils down to trusting myself. Trusting my intention. Why am I sharing these deeply personal experiences and view points? The reason is always the same, it’s my purpose to share the journey of consciousness. I get so many messages from people who relate to my stories and those connections are real. People feel less alone, they feel like they’re not so crazy and alien. Sometimes I get criticised too but that’s just part of the deal. I usually just thank them and move on. Or sometimes I’ll block and delete, do some clearing on myself and move on.

You talk about being a mother of yourself, could you tell us more about that?

It’s a concept that came to me while journalling on ‘motherhood’ not long ago. I wrote a huge piece which I shared. The download that came through was that on a cosmic/soul level, you created yourself. You created your own human existence and therefore you are constantly birthing yourself again and again and holding yourself in your human experience. But recently I had an experience through ‘Rebirthing Breathwork’ where I travelled through many deaths and experienced a very real evidence of my infinite aliveness. My conscious awareness that never dies. I felt the many versions of myself fall away as an illusion and when I looked inside my heart I saw all of the iterations of myself sitting in sacred communion with one another. In that experience, those words came to me again, “I am the mother of myself.” It was a feeling of coming home to myself. A feeling of not needing any point of reference to feel stable. That without a body, without a mind, without an identity, without a point in space or time, without matter and without energy even, I am still aware and I am home. The relief of knowing yourself so intimately is quite profound because nothing can ever be taken away from you. You are everything and you are nothing. The nurturing of the mother is the nurturing of the entire universe that you create, and that creates you. It sounds like a whole bunch of metaphysical woo woo crap but in simple terms, when you know that you are your own creator, your own mother, you feel at peace with yourself and with the world.

You mentioned having issues challenging between your inner Kali and my inner Quan Yin. Is this something that happens often and why do you think it happens?

It’s just an archetypal framework I use to understand the in-congruency I sometimes experience. For me I see Kali Ma as representing the fire of awareness. That destroys everything in the way of absolute truth. That isn’t afraid to tear down illusion and destroy the ego. And there is a part of me that embraces that fully! And then there is another side that is compassionate toward this human experience of life. That is gentle and understanding and offers unconditional acceptance. Quan Yin represents this for me and I love her for what she gives me. But you know these archetypes are just energies that we identify with in order to integrate all of the varied expressions of what it means to be alive. Whether or not you consider yourself a spiritual being, it really doesn’t matter. The simple fact is that you are never just one thing. You have many desires, feelings, thoughts, ideas, expressions and beliefs. Sometimes it seems like you can’t hold ‘seemingly’ opposing concepts at the same time but that is an illusion. I believe that when you get beyond this veil, there are no opposites. There is no ‘up’ the opposite of ‘down.’ The polarised view is a construct. The actuality is that everything just ‘is.’ Man is not the opposite to Woman. Feminine is not the opposite to masculine. You can be everything and nothing at the same time. But since we’re here, still playing on this plane, we can play with polarities and attempt to integrate these different expressions of our full selves.

As an artist you’re very active in not only releasing music, but telling/sharing stories. Is this a release for you?

The only reason I make music is to communicate. For me it’s one and the same. I realised that music was just a mode of expression I chose because it’s effective. It can move people, unite people, make people dance, make people cry and more importantly, make people feel. But when I realised that I could do all of that stuff just by talking, I started doing that more and more and now my live shows are mish-mash of singing, rapping, poetry, story telling, oracle card readings, channeling source, experiential art, healing, playing with energies, and whatever else comes through in the moment. My artistic medium is life itself. Every conversation I have, every interview, every status update, every selfie.. It is all art, expression, feeling. I feel that art and expression is crucial for all human beings who want to experience freedom. It’s so sad that as we grow we are constantly told to be quiet, to stop drawing on the walls, to stop running around.. We have all of these suppressed emotions, ideas, thoughts and it makes us feel heavy. It weighs us down. Literal emotional baggage that just wants to be heard, expressed and acknowledged. That’s why I support and mentor artists because I believe art and aesthetics to be profoundly transformative and healing. 

You just released Stranger in Asia, could you tell me more about it?

I wrote most of it in Indonesia, where my father is from. I wrote it as a lamentation for what has happened to women over the course of history. About how we, as Gods, as Queens have been so degraded and objectified and so often feel fear for our safety. That religion is supposed to bring us closer to God and yet it so often excuses the mistreatment of the closest thing to God we know, A woman’s body. We all must pass through woman to be here on this physical plane and yet we allow women to be abused, tortured, oppressed, raped and dismissed. The sacred divinity of the creation potential of women is so feared and misunderstood, it is not allowed to be fully expressed in this world – yet. The song is a calling back to full power. It’s a reawakening song. An ode to the divine feminine that created this universe and is calling to be heard. It’s invoking Kali and all the goddesses to return to what once was one. And it’s not just for ‘women’.  It’s the Godself in all of us. 

What do you think life would be like without social media for musicians?

No idea. Probably would be more real world connection and that would be nice, but maybe not. I am so grateful for social media. It gives me the ability to connect with more people all around the globe. So many more people have access to knowledge, music, information and consciousness because of social media networks. Without it, there would be pros and cons. Maybe we would have a more concentrated flavour of music in each geographical area like we had pre internet days but now we have more diversity and a whole ocean of music to be influenced by.

You quite openly mention that you had an abortion when you heard about Trump’s recent decision about defunding planned parenthood. How did that make you feel? 

Yeah I still need to tell that story. It’s a big one. How do I feel about Trump’s decision regarding defunding planned parenting? I feel sad about it. I feel sad about what’s happening in Australia too. A couple of years ago Preterm closed down. I had multiple abortions there. I cried when I heard that was happening. I cried for all of the young women who don’t have support to make empowered decisions about their bodies, raising babies, their sexual health. This is a huge area that I would personally like to be more involved with in time. As long as decisions about women’s sexuality and women’s bodies are still being made by men, what hope do we have? There is a deep, deep mistrust toward women and it shows up big time in patriarchal politics. There is a lot of trauma to heal on both sides and it’s only the beginning of the healing. But it is happening. In all of it’s forms. And it’s no coincidence that all of these healing technologies are coming out of the woodwork! Ancient healing/clearing technology resurfacing through some amazing beings and people are healing deep traumas and wounds, including myself. The only reason I am able to share so openly and speak my mind so freely is because I’m clearing my shit all the time. I’m not afraid to go inside and do the deep work. Journeying inside my pain, my mind, my emotions and coming through the fire, clearer, freer and more powerful than ever.